Just buy a dildo and leave me out of this

So in my previous post I referred to a message that really pissed me off.  This blog is about that message.

I don't even know where to begin.  As you can see, I lost my cool when responding to this.  I feel like I need to start from the beginning of time and just educate the fuck out of the internet.

Bisexuality - Let's discuss it.

Bisexuals have just as much right to privacy as anyone else.  Bisexuality does not mean the person is "slutty", an exhibitionist, non-monogamous, or interested in you.

 Here's some helpful links:

Words that are biphobic and why
Mythbusting Bisexual Men
Bisexuality info comics by Kateordie
Advice columnist smacks down biphobe
The Harsh and Hurtful Reality of Being Bisexual

"Both heterosexuals and homosexuals view bisexuality with misunderstanding, mistrust, hostility, and alienation. These scenarios do not leave bisexuals in the situation often referred to as ‘‘having the best of both worlds,’’ because ‘both worlds are closets’."

from Attitudes and Self-Images of Male and Female Bisexuals by Carol D. Bronn

Are you starting to get the picture yet?

• Bisexual doesn't mean you're any more likely to be non-monogamous than other sexualities.
• Bisexual doesn't make you any more likely to cheat.
• Bisexuals suffer from bi-erasure when they're in heteronormative couples, and mistrust/alienation when they're in homosexual couples.
• Being bisexual doesn't make you promiscuous or an exhibitionist any more than other sexualities.
• Being bisexual doesn't mean you are interested in sex, more sexual than others, or even sexually active at all.
• It's not a phase.  We're not poseurs.  We don't have to have had sex with anyone in order to acknowledge our sexuality just as straight people and gay people know their sexualities before their first sexual encounters.
• Bisexuals aren't greedy.  They don't have the best of both worlds.  They don't need to be with a male and female at the same time and they don't necessarily want to be either.

I don't want your attention any more than I want an individual male or female's attention.  In fact, I want it even less. 

Propositioning me for sex is not a compliment.
Assuming I'd be interested in a threesome because I'm bisexual is actually biphobic.
In fact, it's mildly triggering after having some really bad experiences with douchebags attempting to pressure me irl.
Ignoring the fact that I'm in a committed relationship is rude and insulting.
I am not a fucking sex toy to fix your shitty, boring marriage.

Let me clarify a bit... I'm not against threesomes in general, nor am I against polyamory.  However people love is their business.  Love isn't restricted to such narrow descriptors.  What I have a problem with is the way couples on these dating sites go about finding extra people for their relationship (spamming bisexual women without reading their profiles, spamming women in committed relationships regardless of sexuality, sometimes going into graphic details in their opening message, etc), and, even more offensive, when they decide to treat the "third" as someone unequal to them (the original couple).  That's no longer a polyamorous relationship in my opinion; that's a couple using another human being as a sex toy.  It's dehumanizing and disturbing to me and many of my bisexual friends.  And while I respect your right to have whatever kink turns you on, that doesn't mean I need to be subjected to it on a constant basis anymore than I should have to deal with street harassment and catcalls.

I've actually had a few people, usually bi- or pan- sexual women, message me for threesomes in super nice respectful ways and I politely turned them down while keeping the door to friendship open.  You'll often notice that these people have super lgbtqa-friendly profiles... whereas the obnoxious couples tend to have extremely heteronormative profiles to the point where I ashamedly admit I question whether the women are actually bisexual or just flexible enough to play into their husbands' fantasies.  And while the heteronormative couples usually write their profiles and messages as if they're coming from the woman involved, it usually feels like it's actually the man behind them.  I guess I just seriously can't imagine another woman speaking to me like this and using such typical hetero Dudebro von Douche style dialogue.  But I could be entirely wrong.

Of course, there are also ones like this that are clearly written by the woman...

Not a threesome proposition, and certainly not dehumanizing from the text alone, but just another annoying message where the person can't take two seconds to read my damn profile.  It says "seeing someone", not "available."  It also says "friends and penpals only because I have a boyfriend," among a slew of other things.  When people can't be bothered to even read the header, I don't feel like a person to them.  I feel like they're playing the numbers game and only see me as a warm body with tits, possibly an attractive one.

I swear, some days I can't write a blog without going off on a tangent.  Back to the original topic...

I'm a person.  Don't treat me like a number.
I'm bisexual.  Don't treat me like a commodity or exotic animal.
I'm in a committed, monogamous relationship.  Don't disrespect it.