Genital Gum

Thanks for sharing.

Just buy a dildo and leave me out of this

So in my previous post I referred to a message that really pissed me off.  This blog is about that message.

I don't even know where to begin.  As you can see, I lost my cool when responding to this.  I feel like I need to start from the beginning of time and just educate the fuck out of the internet.

Bisexuality - Let's discuss it.

Bisexuals have just as much right to privacy as anyone else.  Bisexuality does not mean the person is "slutty", an exhibitionist, non-monogamous, or interested in you.

 Here's some helpful links:

Words that are biphobic and why
Mythbusting Bisexual Men
Bisexuality info comics by Kateordie
Advice columnist smacks down biphobe
The Harsh and Hurtful Reality of Being Bisexual

"Both heterosexuals and homosexuals view bisexuality with misunderstanding, mistrust, hostility, and alienation. These scenarios do not leave bisexuals in the situation often referred to as ‘‘having the best of both worlds,’’ because ‘both worlds are closets’."

from Attitudes and Self-Images of Male and Female Bisexuals by Carol D. Bronn

Are you starting to get the picture yet?

• Bisexual doesn't mean you're any more likely to be non-monogamous than other sexualities.
• Bisexual doesn't make you any more likely to cheat.
• Bisexuals suffer from bi-erasure when they're in heteronormative couples, and mistrust/alienation when they're in homosexual couples.
• Being bisexual doesn't make you promiscuous or an exhibitionist any more than other sexualities.
• Being bisexual doesn't mean you are interested in sex, more sexual than others, or even sexually active at all.
• It's not a phase.  We're not poseurs.  We don't have to have had sex with anyone in order to acknowledge our sexuality just as straight people and gay people know their sexualities before their first sexual encounters.
• Bisexuals aren't greedy.  They don't have the best of both worlds.  They don't need to be with a male and female at the same time and they don't necessarily want to be either.

I don't want your attention any more than I want an individual male or female's attention.  In fact, I want it even less. 

Propositioning me for sex is not a compliment.
Assuming I'd be interested in a threesome because I'm bisexual is actually biphobic.
In fact, it's mildly triggering after having some really bad experiences with douchebags attempting to pressure me irl.
Ignoring the fact that I'm in a committed relationship is rude and insulting.
I am not a fucking sex toy to fix your shitty, boring marriage.

Let me clarify a bit... I'm not against threesomes in general, nor am I against polyamory.  However people love is their business.  Love isn't restricted to such narrow descriptors.  What I have a problem with is the way couples on these dating sites go about finding extra people for their relationship (spamming bisexual women without reading their profiles, spamming women in committed relationships regardless of sexuality, sometimes going into graphic details in their opening message, etc), and, even more offensive, when they decide to treat the "third" as someone unequal to them (the original couple).  That's no longer a polyamorous relationship in my opinion; that's a couple using another human being as a sex toy.  It's dehumanizing and disturbing to me and many of my bisexual friends.  And while I respect your right to have whatever kink turns you on, that doesn't mean I need to be subjected to it on a constant basis anymore than I should have to deal with street harassment and catcalls.

I've actually had a few people, usually bi- or pan- sexual women, message me for threesomes in super nice respectful ways and I politely turned them down while keeping the door to friendship open.  You'll often notice that these people have super lgbtqa-friendly profiles... whereas the obnoxious couples tend to have extremely heteronormative profiles to the point where I ashamedly admit I question whether the women are actually bisexual or just flexible enough to play into their husbands' fantasies.  And while the heteronormative couples usually write their profiles and messages as if they're coming from the woman involved, it usually feels like it's actually the man behind them.  I guess I just seriously can't imagine another woman speaking to me like this and using such typical hetero Dudebro von Douche style dialogue.  But I could be entirely wrong.

Of course, there are also ones like this that are clearly written by the woman...

Not a threesome proposition, and certainly not dehumanizing from the text alone, but just another annoying message where the person can't take two seconds to read my damn profile.  It says "seeing someone", not "available."  It also says "friends and penpals only because I have a boyfriend," among a slew of other things.  When people can't be bothered to even read the header, I don't feel like a person to them.  I feel like they're playing the numbers game and only see me as a warm body with tits, possibly an attractive one.

I swear, some days I can't write a blog without going off on a tangent.  Back to the original topic...

I'm a person.  Don't treat me like a number.
I'm bisexual.  Don't treat me like a commodity or exotic animal.
I'm in a committed, monogamous relationship.  Don't disrespect it.

How to fail (even harder) at the numbers game

Last night I was showing one of my friends an email I received on OKC that really pissed me off when I noticed a new message appear in my inbox.  I read it quickly before turning to my friend, eyes already rolling, and said, "Dude... look at this.  It's so totally a form letter.  I fucking hate form letters!"

I can't remember my friend's response so I won't risk misquoting him, but we briefly waxed philosophical on dudes and form letters before we moved on to other topics.

Well, as you all should know by now, this ain't my first rodeo.  I looked at my inbox later that night and saw this:

Mr. Nipples is just an added bonus for all of you.

Form letter caught red handed!

C'mon guys.  If you're going to be stupid enough to send out form letters, at least be smart enough to keep track of who you send them to.  It's bad enough when my friend and I get the same one... but sending it to the same person twice in one week?  That's just epic fail.

I'm sure there's some of you that don't understand my ire for form letters.  You may even sympathize with these "poor fellows" who have been so beaten down by the system that they've resorted to copy/pasting the same message to hundreds of girls in hopes that one kind soul will take pity on them...

Look, the numbers game is great if all you're doing is looking for someone to fuck for tonight.  But if you're looking for a relationship (or a friendship), you've pretty much just fucked it up.  Let me explain how this feels from a potential relationship standpoint.  I sit there and think, This person has not read my profile.  This person does not care if we are seeking the same thing out of a relationship.  This person does not care if we share common interests.  This person is literally copying and pasting this message to hundreds of girls.  This person does not see me as a human being.  All this person cares about is that I'm a warm body with tits.

The fact that I am dehumanized and not seen as an individual is extremely alarming.  That is an aspect of misogyny.  I would rather have a drunken text of "wats up ?1" than an extremely detailed form letter, because I would at least know that the former was a genuine message for me.  That person saw me as an individual, and they broke out of their Natty Light haze long enough to fumble on the keyboard and message me.  They saw me as a fellow human being whom they specifically wanted to connect with (Yeah, I'm ending another sentence with a preposition.  Suck it).  And that's all most people want:  to be seen for who they are and to be desired for being themselves.

I know it's rough not getting hundreds of messages a day to feed your ego, but trust me - it's all about quality, not quantity.

Best Friends Forever

I think this is one of those videos that's really important to watch.

I feel like the misconception that men and women can't be friends is a HUGE contributor to this friendzone nonsense.  People who believe this may see friendship as merely a stepping stone to a sexual relationship rather than a fulfilling relationship in and of itself.  You figure you'll end up in bed together eventually... that other person is just waiting for you to make your move.  And then they date someone else and you call them a slut.  But anyway, watch the video, expand your mind, and all that jazz.

Copypasta

Guys... guys... GUYS!  Seriously, are you listening yet?  STOP PLAYING THE NUMBERS GAME WITH COPY/PASTE.

Especially if you're messaging people all in a relatively small radius.  Dude, you will inevitably message two people that know each other.  That's all I'm saying.  Well, and then lulz will ensue.

Message 1 to Megann

 Honestly, we were just guessing at this point, but boy were we right.

Apparently he quickly forgets that he's already copy/pasted his siren song to Megann once before and sends her a new message!  Don't think we were fooled by the slight alteration.

Message 2 to Megann

 

The bottom of Message 2

His two messages back to back

Message to me

The bottom half of the message to me

I bet you say that to all the girls

We literally received these two minutes apart.

Friend-Zoned

Blind Dates

Women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone fat.

—

When Strangers Click, a 2011 documentary about online dating. [read more] This quote really hit home so I thought I'd share it. We're all afraid of meeting someone who isn't who they say they are, but very rarely do I ever hear a guy friend worry that they'll encounter danger when meeting someone in person for the first time.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Dudebro von Douche

So this happened...

Message I get:

 

 Message my friend gets 3 days later:

 

This made me laugh my ass off.  Both our profiles state we are bisexual women, in relationships, just looking for new FRIENDS.  But somehow I get the nice friendly approach and she straight up gets asked for sex.  Whyyyyyy?!

My semi-facetious answer is that I'm a Libra and she's a Scorpio.  Sorry, girl, you're just giving off the sexy vibes!  ;)

But seriously, she gets way more sexual propositions than I do... and I'm the one that needs them for this blog!  Life is so unfair.

(Sorry for the resolution on the screenshots.  As you might guess, we have different phones.)