Here's a little something different for you all. My single friend has made a list of what he's seeking in a girlfriend. Is he being realistic? Is he delusional? Would you like to offer him a blind date?
It's to the point where my advice is understandably biased and goes in one ear and out the other, so I'm hoping my fellow denizens of the internet can give him a fresh perspective. What are your thoughts? Be honest. Please add your constructive criticism and commentary below.
1. No behavior-modifying drugs.
2. No drugs other than marijuana.
3. Must have car and license.
4. No vegans unless for medical conditions.
5. No vegetarians unless for medical conditions.
6. Must not be allergic to cats.
7. Must have had at least 3 past boyfriends.
8. Must be able to tolerate comfortable silences.
9. Must value logic over compulsion/superstition.
10. Must be active - no home-bodies.
11. No intimacy issues.
12. Not needed to play video games but must be accepting/not dismissive of them.
13. Must be relatively intelligent (only slightly less than or any degree more than me).
14. Must be able to make a decision, but not domineering in that she needs to make them all.
15. Must be willing to try new things.
16. Preference for those who don't mind carrying most of the conversation.
17. Must at least be seeking employment or are employed.
18. Must be able to tolerate a mainly non-expressive face.
19. Must be honest about things that are bothering her - I do not read minds.
20. Must be willing to compromise, but NOT yield.
21. Must be reliable for constructive criticism and able to take it as well.
22. Must be willing to acknowledge that there is ALWAYS room for improvement.
23. Must want children at some point in the future.
24. Must not tan via UV radiation.
25. Must not have any severe addictions (alcohol, tobacco... caffeine is OK).
26. Must have good dental hygiene.
27. No recent criminal infraction of the law - ABSOLUTELY NO felonies of any kind.
28. Must be no more than 2 years older than me.
29. Must have a healthy height/weight ratio.
It's to the point where my advice is understandably biased and goes in one ear and out the other, so I'm hoping my fellow denizens of the internet can give him a fresh perspective. What are your thoughts? Be honest. Please add your constructive criticism and commentary below.
1. No behavior-modifying drugs.
2. No drugs other than marijuana.
3. Must have car and license.
4. No vegans unless for medical conditions.
5. No vegetarians unless for medical conditions.
6. Must not be allergic to cats.
7. Must have had at least 3 past boyfriends.
8. Must be able to tolerate comfortable silences.
9. Must value logic over compulsion/superstition.
10. Must be active - no home-bodies.
11. No intimacy issues.
12. Not needed to play video games but must be accepting/not dismissive of them.
13. Must be relatively intelligent (only slightly less than or any degree more than me).
14. Must be able to make a decision, but not domineering in that she needs to make them all.
15. Must be willing to try new things.
16. Preference for those who don't mind carrying most of the conversation.
17. Must at least be seeking employment or are employed.
18. Must be able to tolerate a mainly non-expressive face.
19. Must be honest about things that are bothering her - I do not read minds.
20. Must be willing to compromise, but NOT yield.
21. Must be reliable for constructive criticism and able to take it as well.
22. Must be willing to acknowledge that there is ALWAYS room for improvement.
23. Must want children at some point in the future.
24. Must not tan via UV radiation.
25. Must not have any severe addictions (alcohol, tobacco... caffeine is OK).
26. Must have good dental hygiene.
27. No recent criminal infraction of the law - ABSOLUTELY NO felonies of any kind.
28. Must be no more than 2 years older than me.
29. Must have a healthy height/weight ratio.
This person sounds like a complete asshole. And a stupid one at that. Requirement #1 and #2 conflict with each other. In fact, if we were to be specific, we'd have to rule out everything including caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine because they ARE behavior modifying drugs. #29 possibly conflicts with his aversion to vegans and vegetarians (#4 & #5). Even if we keep 29 separate from the other two, his no vegan/vegetarian clause just makes him sound like a douchebag.
ReplyDeleteA lot of the other requirements are very subjective. For instance, #8 "Must be able to tolerate comfortable silences." What the hell? What if his notion of a 'comfortable silence' is really uncomfortable to most people? A lot of the things on this list kind of makes him out to be someone with some major issues.
#16 "Preference for those who don't mind carrying most of the conversation" just makes him sound like a lazy fuck.
Or how about #22, "Must be willing to acknowledge that there is ALWAYS room for improvement" which makes him sound like a conceited fuck. He probably is the kind of dude who needs a total attitude adjustment.
There are probably other glaringly bad ideas, but I'm too fed up to care anymore. Other requirements seem reasonable, but then others are just going to bar him from a lot of other people.
This kid is going to be forever alone.
BTW, who the hell is this?
ReplyDeleteHaha, oh wow. Delusional, no doubt about it, considering who this is referencing. He must also consider the fact that someone like this would also have a certain set of standards for him as well. This all seems to be a compromise to fit the puzzle piece that is his fucked up personality.
ReplyDelete