Let me tell you what you need: penis attention

I've been dragging my heels a bit on this one.  I actually think this message warrants a response, but I have yet to find the perfect words.  But I can at least share with you, dear readers, some of the options floating around in my head.

The first thing I have to ask is, "Dude... why the hell did you pick me for your little psych experiment?"

I think we need to have a little talk about what the word "innocuous" means.  Because this... THIS is invasive and weird and uncomfortable.  This is the opposite of innocuous.

I also have to pick apart the line of questioning itself.  Why do you only care about attention I receive from "straight cis dudes"?  (Side note: Do you even know what bisexual means?)  Is it because you're a "straight cis dude"?  Is it because you're planning to hit on me? 

 I'm going to take that as a "yes."

I love how he's so sure I get all this attention from straight cis dudes all the time.  I mean he is a lot younger than me so maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt... but hunny, shit don't work like that in the adult world.  Yes, I get compliments from people.  Mostly friends and family, and every gender/orientation combo you can imagine.  They might say "nice outfit" or "wow, you're pretty", but that's the extent of it.  It's all fairly harmless, and that's why they are "compliments." 

But I'm guessing that's not what he's referring to.  What is this mysterious 'male attention' that women aren't supposed to be able to live without (for a whole year!)?  Because, ya know, it sounds to me like you're talking about getting hit on.  And you know what?  That tends to dwindle when you're in an established relationship.  And when it does happen, it's awkward all around.

 Oh.  Right.  Silly me, that couldn't possibly be what you meant.

OK, so let's get a few things straight.  Do I like "attention"?  Of course I do.  Who doesn't?  Give me over 1K notes on a tumblr post and I'm in heaven!  But just how are we defining attention?  I like attention for my accomplishments.  Name a creative art and I guarantee I've dabbled in it.  Acting, singing (I'm rubbish), playing a musical instrument, drawing, painting, modeling, photography, writing, etc.  Now the modeling and photography part is where I think some people stop 'getting it.'  Yes, I want attention/praise/compliments for my work in these areas, but please understand that that is a whole different thing than making words to get in my pants.  Once you've crossed that line, you've made me uncomfortable and you've disrespected my relationship.  So please, learn the damn difference.

And don't stare at me like a creeper.

The last thing I want to bring up (and you have no idea how hard it is to resist putting the rest of his profile on here) is his book list.  I saved this for last because it is not directly related to his message, but it clearly ties in with his purpose for messaging women on OKC.  You see, he wants to help women realize their sexual natures that they apparently can't do on their own because of "social programming."  (I think I missed the day they were handing out psych/counseling degrees on the street corner.  Damn.)

Now sir, I understand that some women like submission and that's all fine and dandy if that's their kink, but I believe you are guilty of some false advertisement.

Yeah, see, I'm sorry but not all women require fulfillment of their submission fantasies to fully explore their human eroticism.  In fact, sometimes it's kind of the opposite.  Now lick my boot, dog!

Alright, I'm done.
Peace out.