Pro tip: If you don't like hanging out at bars and getting drunk, then don't go there to meet people.
Why?
Chances are the person you meet there will be someone who likes hanging out at bars and getting drunk. Already you have a fundamental problem with your potential relationship: lack of common interests.
And trust me, this is a big one. People who make a hobby out of hanging out at the bar and drinking legitimately find it enjoyable and will want to do it often (even without you). People who do not like hanging out at the bar and drinking tend to fucking hate it.
Try this instead: Hang out at places that you actually enjoy going to. Like books? Go to the library or bookstore. Like working out? Go to the gym. Like nature? Go to the park. Like anime? Go to a convention. Talk to people you meet there and marvel at the fact that you have something in common.
The reason I bring this up is because I was recently reflecting on my dating habits during my teens and twenties. I was driving through town the other afternoon, on my way to a local food tasting event, when I passed a bar I had once been dragged to by a friend. The sign on the bar said: "Retired. Thanks for the memories."
My own memories of that one night flooded me in dark, red and brown flashes. It was not the sort of bar I would have ever gone to on my own. In fact, despite being ten minutes from my house, I had no idea it even existed until then. It played music I hated. It contained people that I would never associate with in any context. And I spent half the night preoccupied with whether or not my brand new side bangs were parted too deeply and making me look dumb - which in hind sight I suspect was more so symptom of my discomfort at not fitting in with the crowd than just a vain concern about my hair.
Surprisingly, I did not have a completely miserable time. But I also did not meet anyone that made subjecting myself to such an experience worth the time. As someone who does not enjoy going to bars and getting drunk, I can quite firmly say I have *never* met anyone at a bar that was worth me going to that bar in the first place. That is not a judgment on those people as human beings. It is merely an acknowledgment that those are not people whom I personally would enjoy spending time with or could develop friendships/relationships with.
Now some exceptions to this are going to events at bars. A particular musical genre night, a concert, a karaoke event, etc. Events centered around my interests that bring out people who share those interests. In these situations, the bar is merely a venue in which to contain something else. These are situations where I have met people who share my interests and whom I've developed and maintained friendships with.
My future husband found me online through our mutual love of a certain music genre and subculture. Unsurprisingly, he is also someone who does not find going to bars and getting drunk to be an ideal way to spend the night. He would rather play video games with me, or go to a concert, or some other *mutual interest*. Serious super duper emphasis on that. We're not identical human beings here, but we have mutual interests and things we enjoy doing together. In further anecdotal evidence, someone in my family met their husband at a bar. She hates bars. Like haaaaaaates bars. They have nothing in common. I'm still not sure how they're still married, but it's not pretty.
So yeah, I'm sure you might have a chance of meeting someone at the bar who was also dragged their against their will and shares mutual interests with you... but those chances are astronomically low. Think of all the things that would have to coincide for that to happen. Why not increase your chances of success by trying to meet people at places that make you happy? And for those of you who actually love going to the bar? Please continue to do so. There's someone out there for you too... just not the person looking miserable in the corner.
Why?
Chances are the person you meet there will be someone who likes hanging out at bars and getting drunk. Already you have a fundamental problem with your potential relationship: lack of common interests.
And trust me, this is a big one. People who make a hobby out of hanging out at the bar and drinking legitimately find it enjoyable and will want to do it often (even without you). People who do not like hanging out at the bar and drinking tend to fucking hate it.
Try this instead: Hang out at places that you actually enjoy going to. Like books? Go to the library or bookstore. Like working out? Go to the gym. Like nature? Go to the park. Like anime? Go to a convention. Talk to people you meet there and marvel at the fact that you have something in common.
The reason I bring this up is because I was recently reflecting on my dating habits during my teens and twenties. I was driving through town the other afternoon, on my way to a local food tasting event, when I passed a bar I had once been dragged to by a friend. The sign on the bar said: "Retired. Thanks for the memories."
My own memories of that one night flooded me in dark, red and brown flashes. It was not the sort of bar I would have ever gone to on my own. In fact, despite being ten minutes from my house, I had no idea it even existed until then. It played music I hated. It contained people that I would never associate with in any context. And I spent half the night preoccupied with whether or not my brand new side bangs were parted too deeply and making me look dumb - which in hind sight I suspect was more so symptom of my discomfort at not fitting in with the crowd than just a vain concern about my hair.
Surprisingly, I did not have a completely miserable time. But I also did not meet anyone that made subjecting myself to such an experience worth the time. As someone who does not enjoy going to bars and getting drunk, I can quite firmly say I have *never* met anyone at a bar that was worth me going to that bar in the first place. That is not a judgment on those people as human beings. It is merely an acknowledgment that those are not people whom I personally would enjoy spending time with or could develop friendships/relationships with.
Now some exceptions to this are going to events at bars. A particular musical genre night, a concert, a karaoke event, etc. Events centered around my interests that bring out people who share those interests. In these situations, the bar is merely a venue in which to contain something else. These are situations where I have met people who share my interests and whom I've developed and maintained friendships with.
My future husband found me online through our mutual love of a certain music genre and subculture. Unsurprisingly, he is also someone who does not find going to bars and getting drunk to be an ideal way to spend the night. He would rather play video games with me, or go to a concert, or some other *mutual interest*. Serious super duper emphasis on that. We're not identical human beings here, but we have mutual interests and things we enjoy doing together. In further anecdotal evidence, someone in my family met their husband at a bar. She hates bars. Like haaaaaaates bars. They have nothing in common. I'm still not sure how they're still married, but it's not pretty.
So yeah, I'm sure you might have a chance of meeting someone at the bar who was also dragged their against their will and shares mutual interests with you... but those chances are astronomically low. Think of all the things that would have to coincide for that to happen. Why not increase your chances of success by trying to meet people at places that make you happy? And for those of you who actually love going to the bar? Please continue to do so. There's someone out there for you too... just not the person looking miserable in the corner.
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