Men of few words... and little substance

Boons!

We think he meant "bones."

I hope.

When Masculinity Fails Men

A study on masculinity and aggression from the University of South Florida found that innocuous – yet feminine – tasks could produce profound anxiety in men. As part of the study, a group of men were asked to perform a stereotypically feminine act – braiding hair in this case  - while a control group braided rope. Following the act, the men were given the option to either solve a puzzle or punch a heavy bag. Not surprisingly, the men who performed the task that threatened their masculinity were far more likely to punch the bag; again, violence serving as a way to reestablish their masculine identity. A follow-up had both groups punch the bag after braiding either hair or rope; the men who braided the hair punched the bag much harder. A third experiment, all the participants braided hair, but were split into two groups: those who got to punch the bag afterwards and those who didn’t. The men who were prevented from punching the bag started to show acute signs of anxiety and distress from not being able to reconfirm their masculinity.  - When Masculinity Fails Men

Vroom vroom

o_0

Gaming is for Girls

I received a message that other day that I ended up posting in my other blog since I felt that was a more appropriate home for it.  But I do want to talk about it here as well as I think this is important.

Let me start off by saying that I truly do believe this guy meant well.  Which is probably why I was so extra frustrated by his words.  It's easier to deal when a douchebag says douchebag things... but a nice person saying something problematic?  It sends my emotions all over the place.  Like I don't want to be mean because I know there was no maliciousness behind their words, but I'm also so very disappointed in them and just want to shake some sense into them.  What to do?

Well the words in question would probably be a good place to start: "I'm surprised that a girl like you plays WoW."  Out of context this may seem negative, but mind you, he was very excited at this discovery.  Which makes me want to slam my head on the keyboard...

What is a "girl like me"?  Why is it so odd that I play an mmorpg or any video game for that matter?  If anything, WoW is probably one of the most mainstream games this side of Mario.  Everyone plays WoW.  So what the hell?

So I started looking over my profile, wondering where the disconnect happened.  What made me unlikely to be a gamer?  Well, it certainly couldn't be the profile itself, which reads like a geek's wet dream.  I've always been a geek... before it was (ugh) chic.  I drew Highlander on my middle school notebook, complete with decapitated heads.  And wolves.  Lots of wolves.  (It was the late 80s/early 90s.  Cut me some slack!)  And my comic book collection is still taking up half the shelves in my parents' basement.  All I was missing was a fedora... and a penis.

So, as I'm sure you've already guessed, we're down to what I look like.  I was born and am female, in case the previous paragraph left anyone in doubt.  As a side effect of this, I have tits.  I also, completely independent of this fact, happen to like wearing make-up and really enjoy alternative fashion (as opposed to, you know, Uggs and spray tan).  So while I still feel like I pretty much fit the stereotype of a videogame nerd, I guess wearing a dress and eyeliner on occasion can really confuse people?

accurate - even if this girl isn't playing WoW

Basically what it boils down to is that an [subjectively] attractive girl plays WoW.  I'm not a greasy neckbeard basement dweller or whatever hideous hag you've conjured up as the face of a true gamer girl.  (This is seriously giving me flashbacks of the time I was asked if I was a Booth Babe - not because the guy had any reason to believe I might work in the industry... he seriously just looked at my profile and was like "hot girl + comic books/videogames = Booth Babe.")

... the stereotype

Look, unless I'm parading down the street in my Bloodsail Buccaneers t-shirt, there is nothing about my physical appearance (or anyone else's) that will clue you in on if they game.  I can like feminine things while still liking masculine things.  But just an FYI, there is nothing gendered about gaming.  At least there wasn't for the first 20 or so years of my life, before male nerd culture somehow got a stranglehold on the activity.  (Which is bullshit, btw.)

And while this guy wasn't questioning my credibility, it's exactly this attitude that leads others to do so.  It's like if a woman is attractive and into fashion (ie, going beyond sweatpants and a t-shirt) then they're expected to be vapid, anti-intellectual pleasure-objects rather than well-rounded human beings (who will pwn your ass at most video games).  I shouldn't have to constantly explain this to people.  It's gets tiring.

But circling back to the beginning -  the fact that it was surprising that I game?  That still hits me hard.  What did you expect me to be into?  I'm pretty sure it would rankle me something fierce if you told me.  Because everything about my profile screams "gamer, geek, nerd, weirdo," so you're clearly not making judgements based on the evidence provided.  (It's not like I have a pastel, My Little Pony themed profile and you're surprised that I like horror movies or some other interest that seems incongruous with the rest.)  That just leaves us with making assumptions based on my gender and level of attractiveness.  As if interests are gendered on some biological level.

Please try to understand that no matter how well-meaning you are, whenever you tell someone that they're special among their gender, their race, their class, you are alluding at all the unspoken negative stereotypes you have of their gender, their race, their class.  And suddenly that "compliment" is a lot less positive. 

You could have just said, "You play WoW?  That's awesome!"  But instead you chose to repugnantly qualify it with "a girl like you."  In the immortal words of Robert Browning: sometimes, darling, "Less is more."

Definitely... not

:headdesk:

Letting go of some pent up rage

Well, I haven't made a proper post in a while... which apparently isn't good for my mental health because hot damn did I release a bunch of rage below.  I'd almost be embarrassed... if I actually gave a fuck.  Oh well, time for more coffee.  Enjoy your treat below!

Seriously?  I'm getting so bored of this shit.

Why... why the FUCK would I want to meet your skanky, predatory asses?  How fucking old is this "friend" that I am suddenly a "younger woman" because you, sir, are barely older than me.  Why in god's name would I want to put myself in contact with people who are fetishizing my supposed youth? 

Yeah, good luck finding that.  Pro tip: stop hitting up girls for impromptu orgies and try reading their profiles first.  I find it a little hard to believe that you're actually looking for a long term companion given your approach... or are you one of those jackasses that categorizes girls as either fuckable or marriage material.  In which case, go fuck yourself because you haven't got a chance in hell over here.

Once again we have another asshole who can't seem to read or doesn't respect the fact that I'm in a relationship... and even if I wasn't, this yahoo is still clearly ignoring that I explicitly state on my profile that I'm not into casual sex or "couples".  "Bisexual" is not code for "DTF".  Get it through your thick skulls.  Assholes.